Desi Hooot Ass Aunty

“Big John’s a-comin’!”An older, balding, white haired, duck hunter from Northern Minnesota, walked into a jewellery store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.The man said “No, I’d like to see something a little more special”.At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweller said.The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.The old man seeing this said “We’ll take it”.The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated “By cheque. Now I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon”.On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said “There’s no money in. “Sweets for the sweet!”“You’re sweet!” she replied.I turned back to Clyde. “No more of this crap. Tomorrow, you bring the sandwich and an apple. If you’re hungry, bring two sandwiches and the apple, or one sandwich and two apples. Got it?”“Yeah,” he groused.“Clyde. You do this, you’re going to make it. When the other guys at basic get sent home, you’ll be staying, got it?”“Yeah.”“Okay, eat your lunch, and no cheating. I’ll see you in the locker room after school.”He looked crestfallen, but nodded to me, and went and sat down. I opened the package of Twinkies and gave one to Kelly, and then ate the second. Around us people were razzing me and giving me a ration of shit. The bottom line was that everybody thought I was nuts, and that Fatso Clyde was a lost cause. They were probably right, too.Still, Clyde showed up that afternoon and worked out with us during practice, even if he still looked as dreadful as yesterday. At least if he died on school grounds his family couldn’t sue me..
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